To have loved and lost
by ClassynSassy
Summary: Rose had left him twice. Both times she wanted him to chase after her. Both times he did not. At the very last moment, Rose's wedding day, will it be too late for him to chase her.
1. Chapter 1

"It's so painful for me because the only reason you like me is because I'm not falling all over you. I wasn't, but now…now I love you and I'm not different from any of the other girls. Now you have to hate me." And I ran. I had spit those words at him and I just ran. He didn't follow me, and when I looked back, he was gone.

I haven't thought about those words in nine years. I said them the day I graduated from Hogwarts. But I'm thinking about them now. I see him sitting across the room waiting for me for a purely professional reason. Both of us Aurors, both of us assigned to the same mission.

I ran once. He walked away from me and he just kept walking. He was a professional Quidditch player for five years, a captain for two of them. He went abroad in America three years after that. Last year he started Auror training and now he's the rookie that I've been assigned to.

I wish I could say I wasn't in love with him, but that would be a lie. I never lied to myself because that made things very dangerous. And I learned that the sooner you confronted things the easier they were to get rid of, ignore, or lie about.

"Scorpius." I say as I slip into the seat across from him. "You look like you haven't slept in a week." It was true he looked awful. And I was trying very hard and I knew I was succeeding in acting casual.

"I'm sorry Rose, I tried to get a different trainer, but I couldn't." Scorpius said with sincerity and I pretended like that didn't rip my heart to shreds.

"It's okay Scorpius. I loved you nine years ago. Eight if I'm being honest. But really I was hoping we could just start over." I said with an indifferent tone I'd been practicing for years.

"But you haven't married anyone." Scorpius said looking dumbstruck and even though I still did love him, it still insulted me that he thought I would love him forever.

"Well neither have you but I don't expect it's because in our fourth year you were in love with Eleanor Longbottom."

"Er…right, well." Scorpius ran a hand through his hair like he always did when he was nervous.

Two months later Scorpius and I had become friends and he would ruin that in the space of one single hour. We were still on the mission that brought us together but it was wrapping up. We had, like in all the movies, caught the bad guy and put him away. It was almost too neat.

I was right to be suspicious because yesterday after we caught 'said bad guy' my flat blew up. It was not a pretty sight. Scorpius offered to let me bunk at his place until my place was back to normal. My heart of course jumped at the thought. Now, instead of being just in love with Scorpius Malfoy, I was in lust with him too. It was very uncomfortable.

"Make yourself at home." Scorpius invited as he went to the kitchen. "I'll make up the guest bed."

"Okay." I shouted as he was already in the other room.

I spotted a pile of magazines and flipped through them only to find at the bottom of the pile was one of those hand held pensieves. It wasn't an accident that I picked Scorpius memory of a June evening nine years ago to leap into. I couldn't help myself. I wanted to know what he did after I left.

_"Rose what are you doing?" Scorpius asked my seventeen old self._

_ "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm crying you moron. I'm hurting." Young me said and looked at Scorpius. I could see love clearly in my young eyes as well as the tears. _

_ "Why?" Scorpius said sitting down next to me and throwing an arm over my shoulder. I saw myself jump up as if his touch burned. I remembered that it almost did._

_ "It's so painful for me because the only reason you like me is because I'm not falling all over you. I wasn't, but now…now I love you and I'm not different from any of the other girls. Now you have to hate me."_

_ I didn't look at my younger self run, I looked at Scorpius. He took two steps towards my young retreating back as if to run after me, but he didn't. _

"_I don't hate you Rosie, I love you." Scorpius whispered then turned around. This was his memory and I had no choice but to follow him as he walked back towards his parents. _

"_Where did you run off to?" Draco asked, smiling as if he knew something no one else did._

"_To say goodbye to Rose." Scorpius whispered. Draco looked truly surprised._

"_What! But in all the letters you sent us, in all the time we talked, I thought you loved her."_

A hand grabbed me hard around the bicep and bulled me out of the pensieve, The grip was painful and terrifying as were Scorpius eyes when I met them. I let out a scared screech and put my free arm to cover my face. It looked like he would strike me.

He let go of my arm and I fell backwards onto the couch. I didn't look at him, I was afraid. Out of all the things I had faced, all the curses that had flown my way, a man without a wand had me cowering in fear.

"Sorry Rose. I didn't mean to hurt you." Scorpius words seemed full of regret.

"But you did. I think I'll stay with my parents tonight." And I got up to go.

He just looked at me and that was the last thing I would take.

"Why didn't you say anything to me all those years ago? You knew I loved you even before I told you. And you loved me. Why didn't you chase after me? You could have had me. This is the last time you'll see me Scorpius. This time when I walk, I will not come back, no matter what."

I disapperated to my parent's house in tears. Scorpius didn't chase after me. He was still the coward that I had known nine years ago, but this time I was different. This time he made me fall out of love with him. And for the first time in a very long time, I wasn't in love.


	2. Chapter 2

She was getting married today. She hadn't invited me but I decided to go anyway. I was tired of sitting around on my butt and not taking what I had right in front of me.

She was in her wedding dress when I walked into her room. Wonderful images of the two of us being married, of this being our wedding day flashed through my head.

"Rose." I said and I saw her jerk and turn around. She smiled at me and she was just purely glowing. I knew at that moment that it was no longer me that she loved. Three years ago I had ruined that, when I hadn't gone after her. "I wanted to give my congratulations in person."

"Scorpius!" She leaped up and hugged me, but it wasn't anything more than friendly. "I never got the chance to thank you."

"Thank me, for what?" Scorpius asked bemused.

"I never would have met Riley if you hadn't let me go. Thank you for not chasing after me. You must have known that if you did I would love you forever. It was very kind of you to risk our friendship for me." She must not have realized she was rubbing it all in my. Her eyes were glazed over with love for her husband to be. A glazed look she had once looked at me with.

"Yup no problem. I can't stay for the wedding, but before I go I must say you look absolutely stunning in that dress."

She said thanks and I left. I couldn't watch her marry another man. I couldn't stand to look at Rose's love filled eyes that were no longer directed at me. And above all else I couldn't stand to look at the two of them standing at the alter all the time wishing I was the groom, wishing it was I who had chased after Rose.

She wouldn't be Rose Malfoy as everyone had suspected. Most people had hoped. She would be Rose f-ing Finnigan.

She may have gotten over me, Scorpius thought bitterly, but I will never be able to get over her. It was too late. And for the first time he felt his heart shatter in his chest.


End file.
